Is divorce a possibility?

Which position are you in? It matters!

I'm considering divorcing my spouse

Are you trying to decide whether to get a divorce or not? If so, we understand that this is a VERY big decision. It will have a dramatic effect on your life: your most significant relationship, perhaps kids, finances, your future, and so much more


For most people considering divorce they have been quietly thinking about it for a long time, often it is years. You are unhappy in the relationship. Your partner may or may not be happy but the key is that you aren't okay with the way it is.


You are the INITIATOR. (That isn't a bad thing, just a way to understand how you fit in to the relationship puzzle). 2 out of 3 women INITIATE the divorce in the United States. 1 out of 3 men initiate a divorce.


You may have done one or more of the following: read a lot of books, watched videos on YouTube, seen a therapist, listened to podcasts, talked or tried to talk to your partner, and so much more.


You are wrestling with a lot of questions such as:

What is your responsibility in the relationship?

Can the marriage be salvaged or is it a lost cause?

How do you do it differently?

Your commitment to the idea of marriage is what is keeping you there. Can I let myself off the hook?

My spouse is considering divorce

Has your spouse said the "D" word? Whether this is the first time you have heard it or one of many, you are here because it suddenly feels like a much more real possibility. You probably don't want the divorce.


People that are "resisting" the divorce are often very emotional. There is a lot happening in a very short amount of time. The prospect of divorce is daunting and often overwhelming.


You are the RESISTER. You don't want it to happen. 2 out of 3 men RESIST the divorce. 1 out 3 are women.


For you, the questions are often one or more of the following:

What can I do to save it?

Is it too late?

Can I really change?

Do I accept the divorce or fight for it?

If I fight for it how to I show my spouse that I want to change?


How to get these questions answered

First, take action. People often read books, watch videos, listen to podcasts as a first step. It's important to understand that these are PASSIVE steps. You must take action. You need to apply what you are learning. If you try something and it doesn't work, don't give up. Maybe it will be useful later but it isn't the right time or place for what you have learned.


Second, don't do it alone. Most people try everything they know - they use all of the tools in their toolbox. Some marriages end because one person decides that they aren't happy and it is their partners fault. Sometimes you just need new tools.


Some key questions:

Am I willing to do the work on the marriage?

Is my partner willing to do the work on the marriage?

What do I need in order to make decision to stay or go?

What needs aren't being met in the relationship? Which ones are?

Which of those unmet needs can I meet without my partner?

Which of those unmet needs rely on my partner (behaviors, values or beliefs, etc)?


Common Causes for Divorce

In no particular order

  • Infidelity
  • Financial Abuse
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Physical Abuse
  • Neglect
  • Resentment
  • Lack of trust
  • Lack of intimacy
  • Health/medical issues
  • Disconnection

What should you do?

Schedule a 30 Minute FREE Coaching Call

When you are facing the possibility of divorce it is a very confusing and difficult decision. We offer free 30-minute coaching calls to talk about your situation. We will not make the decision for you, but we can help you talk through your particular situation. Based on the information you give us we can then give you honest feedback about what options you have and in some cases, answers to some of the questions you may have.

More Resources for you

Rebuilders has a lot of tools and information that you can use to help you navigate this difficult time in your life. Here are some free resources for you: